i have been going through my book for a re-edit, and I already had in mind some important parts of it that I would share with the readers of this blog. Important because they will show all the small things that we held on to; things so small you may miss them, but so big they got us here today.
I hoped that the things I shared would show my continuing madness, a madness I think it was fair to say lasted for at least two years; and that by sharing it I thought it may really help others to not despair.
But most importantly of all the aim of my book is to show you how we got to where we are today and the biggest part of that would be to show how hard Rich worked to keep me. I know that is important for people who are trying to make amends and repair the damage they have done; I know it is important for some because it gives them hope, and perhaps it will also help them understand they they too have to contribute to the relationship by listening openly and not defensively; and I know it will be important for others because they will read our story and realise that they are better off moving on, because they are worth more than what they have.
As I will always say to those who have been betayed ‘If you don’t have yourself you have nothing. Always have yourself first.’
So back to my book edit: As I read my journal entries I realised that as autumn 2007 came I really really struggled, and then again when spring came, not least because that would be the first anniversary of ‘The War’. All of this made me realise that although there were ‘triggers’, things that put me back to the time everything happened, the changes of the season triggered me to reconsider everything I had and whether I wanted to go forward into the future with it. As I read my journal entries during that first autumn it was clear that I was struggling with the fact that things were dying around me and that perhaps my relationship with Rich was too.
So starting this evening and over the next few days I am going to share with you some of my journal entries over that time, and also some stories of things that happened that ultimately kept me with Rich.
I hope it helps,