Many years ago (thirteen next month) I started to come to this exact place for solace.
I would sit on the downs and look out to sea. The first time I did it I was insane, did not understand my life, or comprehend my future. But as I sat there looking out at the vast expanse of never ending sea and sky I started to understand just how insignificant I really was in the whole realm of things; and understanding that helped me to get things in to perspective, even if only for that brief moment as I sat there.
Over the months this was the place I would come to when I thought my brain was going to explode, or when The Demon was taking control, because I knew it would ground me: I was a small person who thought that what was happening to her was the most significant and painful thing in the world; and then I would sit here and be reminded that it wasn’t, even if it felt like it sometimes.
I can remember one time, it was a Saturday in the June after RD came back, and it was a glorious sunny day. I had been shopping and the thoughts had just started to bubble up in my head and drown me. So instead of going home I went to the downs, I sat on a bench and looked out to sea. There was a man there in his camper van, an elderly man, and I knew he had been watching me as I sat there with tears rolling down my face. When I got up to leave my car would not start, and he came over and helped me. He didn’t say anything other than to offer help, even though I was clearly in a bad place. I remember is kindness, and even at that time it was a gentle reminder that there was good, and people could be kind, and to not give up.
I have been off grid for some time, hence the lack of posts, and I find myself back on line just as lockdown due to Covid 19 has taken over the world. I find people who have been struggling saying that all of this has helped them gain some perspective, just as the sea and sky did for me all those years ago.
Don’t lose perspective I promise ‘this too shall pass.’ But only if you let it. Stay strong and breathe.