A background story – You need to be careful….

holding hands

Building our idyllic life. 2000 – 2007

My mum had died a year before Danny and I became a couple and I had given up my career of nearly twenty years to spend time with Ethan, who was seven at the time. Death and illness tend to be the biggest lessons that life sends us – reminding us that material things are not everything, and that the things we think we will never recover from are mot as insurmountable as we think – if only we would all listen sometimes.

Despite the fact that Danny was a courier and on a low wage , or that I did not work, we worked so well together as a team.

We had been living in my home that I had from my previous marriage, but now that I had married Danny I had to sell it as part of the divorce settlement and move into a rental property.  Although we struggled for money, as all people do, we were invincible, we always pulled together.

Danny wanted to support Ethan and I; it was important to him to provide for us.  But it was important to me to own my own house again, and to do this I had to return to work. Danny worried that he could not give me what I wanted, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you your dream” he had once said, but I was not prepared to give up; six months after we married I went back to work full-time in a very stressful job, and Danny got a different more reliable and stable job in a factory where he worked so hard there that he was promoted and taught to drive fork lift trucks, enabling him to earn more money.

We both worked hard to save our deposit and get our feet back on the property ladder. It was only thanks to a close friend of my mum’s that we were able to achieve this because she allowed us to buy her house at a lower price than market value, and live in it rent free for five months to help us save; and I will always be grateful to her for that.

In 2001 I  changed my job, and worked closely with my boss James; there was only he and I in a small office and because of this I would talk about him often when I came home. I can remember my friend saying  “You need to be careful p, you talk about James a lot”.

“It’s only because I work so closely with him” I said.

“Yes, but you sing his praises all the time, and you are making Danny feel insecure.” She said.

I laughed. “Don’t be stupid, I love Danny, he knows that.” I said. And I did love Danny more than I could ever say. What I didn’t realise was that Danny couldn’t believe that.


Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook  at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect

How do I get through one night without you
If I had to live without you
What kinda life would that be
Oh I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You are my world, my heart, my soul

If you ever leave
Baby you would take away
Everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go

Songwriters: Diane Warren

How Do I Live lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group, Realsongs

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