I often have people ask me how we got to where we are now, and how did I do it? How did I have Danny back? How are we so happy? They have said how they want to be where we are now (believe me – did I wish that too at the time!) and my answer will always be: ‘we worked really hard!’
But most importantly we listened.
I see from my research and people that I converse with that people ask the same questions over and over – irrespective of the situation- How can I move on? Will it get better? When will this pain go away? Am I going mad?
I do not claim to be an expert in affairs and infidelity – I don’t know what actually makes you an expert anyway. But I do know that we went through it, and as a result I believe that some of the coping mechanisms and processes we put into place may help other people to stay together; or decide that what they have is not what they want. (I know scary but true!)
Although we all have different stories we do all follow similar stages of recovery because it is grief that we are suffering from. We are grieving for what we have lost, because deep down, we know that we will never be able to get back what we had before; I hate to use the cliche ‘you can get something better’, but you can! Or you can walk away from something that was all a lie anyway, and your life can be better in a different way. Or you can walk away and always wonder ‘What If’?
From what you have read so far it should be clear that I was never a woman who would have their husband back if he cheated on her. But you can never say what you will do until you are in that moment; boy did I learn that the hard way! That was a lesson life sent my way!
So my journal starts( Sunday 28th October 2018 My Journal – First Entry ) I should warn you that some of the content does show my pure raw pain; but I had to show you that for you to understand how bad it actually was, so that I can then give hope to some people; enabling them to see that they can get through it all.
Yes, there are all the whys? How many times? Where did you go? You said something different before! The stories of others influence: most really kind and understanding. But most importantly there are small things that we held on to, things that we did for each other, things that we learnt from people along the way; all small things that add up to make a big thing.
As always I hope this helps.
Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect
We played the games that people play
We made mistakes along the way
Somehow I know deep in my heart
You needed me;
Cos I needed you so desperately
So many dreams that flew away
So many words we didn’t say
Two people lost in a storm
Where did we go?
Where’d we go?
‘Still’ Performed by the Commodores Written by Lionel Richie