My last post seemed to have resonated with a lot of people. A follow up journal entry: I want that ‘all time love’; and I don’t know if I will get it here….
It is my journal entry from the autumn after Danny and I got back together – five months in – and my heart was still broken beyond recognition (and would be for some time to come.) I had written in my jounal that I wantedthat ‘all time love.’ A lot of people who have been betrayed reacted to it, and of course I understand why. How can we, as the betrayed, ever feel that we will get that ‘all time love again? It seems impossible, how can it ever be possible?
This caused some debate, and I have included in this blog a post from the wonderful Dolly Allen over at the queen is in But…
Dolly and her H reconciled over two years ago, and they have both recognised the difficulties that contributed to the affair, read her blog it is another story, and has so much to offer, especially those who are looking for hope. https://thequeenisincom.wordpress.com/author/dollyallenauthor/
Those who read my other blog will know that I do believe that life shows you the way and weirdly I had already started to draft this:
I read recently a post from someone who said that the ‘The Fairy-tale’ was ruined; and it made me look up the definition of fairy tale:
Some of the words to define it are myth, fantasy, idealised, but also extremely happy and romantic. For me they conflict, how can you be extremely happy and romantic in something that is a myth, fantasy and, more importantly, idealised? Surely then the romantic happiness that you have is not real and will eventually fall apart one day?
So here is my idea of a relationship: It is not a fairy tale, it is real; with real life biting you on the arse at every turn; with bills, stress, work issues, kids, houses to look after, needing to put food on the table and having somewhere to live. If, even in the middle of all this, you can still look at each other and smile because you know that no matter what you have been through you have still got each other’s backs, because you have had to go through hell to get to where you are today, then you have something real: defined as not artificial or imitation but genuine.
I am a long long way down the line, my heart was broken beyond belief and in some ways although I can always see things that contributed to what happened the fact is it hit me like a lightening strike, from nowhere (well apart from all the little things that I chose to ignore!) There was no real issue, just someone not talking or facing their fear.
Over that time I have learnt that I will never know the truth about what happened in the past, because even if I am told it I won’t believe it!
Over time I have learnt that when someone is trying their hardest, when they look at me with so much love I have based what I have on what is in front of me now! (There are many examples of things that made me stop and think and I will share some here in the future.)
I learnt pretty damn quickly to never ever lose myself again; I found me again and I will always be first, because if I don’t have myself have myself I have nothing. Even now!
And last but never least I have learnt to look at the small stuff, because it really really counts!
You may want to read my other blog about our new adventure in France https://rosiesfrenchadventure.com