I have said many times that I learnt that it is all the small things that matter; listen and acknowledge all the small things and they will join together to make a bigger clearer picture.
I have used this title in my other blog about our life in France, you will understand when you read this story.
Two days after our relapse into hell ( read here ) we left for our holiday in Cornwall.
We decided to make a road trip of it and stop in a little town near Stonehenge called Amesbury. We stayed in a pub called the George Hotel, and after booking in to our room we went down to the bar for some food and drink. It was mid-afternoon and the quaint country bar was empty apart from an elderly, dapper, gentleman in the corner. We got chatting to him and he told us how his wife of over forty years had suffered a stroke the previous year; that he had looked after her but now he was heartbroken because she had recently died. His eyes filled with tears as he spoke; and although he told us how difficult she had been, and at times how nasty she had been to him in the last year, it was clear that he had loved her very much.
As he talked to us he looked at Danny and I and just said: “You need to enjoy what you have today; even if you have troubles and problems, because all you have is today; and one day one of you will be left behind without the other. Remember there no happy endings: just endings; make what you have now happy because that is all you have.”
What had made him say that to us I don’t know: perhaps he had picked up a vibe from us, from me; but he clearly knew that he had to tell us to enjoy each other now; and I realised that because of ‘The War’ we were not doing that. Every day was consumed, or tainted by what had happened before; by something that we could not change; and I understood that even if Danny and I survived, the old man was right: one day we would be on our own because the other would have died.
I was wasting all the opportunities that we had to make our life better; and that one day I may look back at all the days, and times, that I had wasted dwelling on something that had happened in the past.
It was the way that old man looked at me: he knew.
I took his advice to heart and I used it so often when I found myself falling back into that dark place with the demon; or during the times when I struggled to clear my head of the thoughts that polluted it; I would remind myself that I was wasting what I had today, and it may be the last day to enjoy my life with Danny.
I have continued to use that advice in my life every day in so many situations.
But that is not the end of the story….