We all need to be needed: The Letter


Image result for quotes about why people need to be needed

I shared with you in my last post the words that I had put in a birthday card that I had sent to Danny just after ‘The War’ in July 2007. I explained how Danny had kept that card all these years and still has it in his bedside table. Memories: The twelve year old birthday card

Well included in that card was a separate letter to Danny and here is what it said (yes he kept it, and it’s in his bedside table!)

Dear Danny

A recurring thing that I am picking up that bothers you about me/us is that you don’t feel that I need you. Which, as I have thought about it, makes me realise how useless and unwanted that must make you feel at times; if not all the time. Everybody wants to be needed in a relationship. 

So I have now listed below all the things I need you for, it is an honest list:

  1. I need you to love me, all the time
  2. I need you to want me, all the time
  3. I need you to hold me
  4. I need you to caress me
  5. I need you to touch me
  6. I need you to kiss me – all the time
  7. I need you to make love to me 
  8. I need you to talk to me:
  9.   I need you to share my ideas with 
  10. I need you to share your stories wtih me
  11. I need you to make me laugh
  12. I need to hear your voice- everyday
  13. I need you to come home to me
  14. I need you to be pleased to see me -because I so look forward to seeing you
  15. I need you to do all the drllling in the walls for pictures and mirrors
  16. I need you to do all the power tool stuff around the house
  17. I need you to mow the lawn
  18. I need you to pick the dog shit up
  19. I need you to take the rubbish out
  20. I need you to do all the things that are too high or heavy for me
  21. I need you for the money that you earn
  22. I need you to share our accounts with
  23. 3 I need you to make plans for the future with 
  24.   I need you to go shopping with:
  25. I need you to push the trolley whilst I put the shopping in
  26. I need you to give me opinions on my clothes and what I buy (because I value your opinion) 
  27. I need you to look at housey things with
  28. 8 I need you to go for a drink with
  29. I need you to go to the pictures with
  30. I need you to drive the car abroad 
  31. I need you to ride the moterbike abroad
  32. 2 I need you to snuggle up on the sofa
  33. I need you to need me – always 


Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook  at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect

I would love to hear your feedback.


  1. Someone on the Esther Perel FB was telling me that to need someone is to be codependent. Implying that needing another person was weak and unhealthy.

    I simply pulled up the definitions of need: “require (something) because it is essential or very important.” My xp was essential to my life…even if I struggled with demonstrating that in a skillful way.

    When I read this list I see all the ways that Rich is essential to your life. That doesn’t make it codependent. It makes you human. We are social beings learning to be social. We are essential to one another, we are in this together.

    Thank you Moisy. Cheers. Sean

    Liked by 1 person

    • I knew that would be a train of thought, but why would anyone not want to know that others need them, in the same way as we need them? The meme, although referring to the workplace is right in all relationships. I hope it helped, Sean, you will get through this. Xx Moisy

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s