I shared with you in my last post the words that I had put in a birthday card that I had sent to Danny just after ‘The War’ in July 2007. I explained how Danny had kept that card all these years and still has it in his bedside table. Memories: The twelve year old birthday card
Well included in that card was a separate letter to Danny and here is what it said (yes he kept it, and it’s in his bedside table!)
Dear Danny
A recurring thing that I am picking up that bothers you about me/us is that you don’t feel that I need you. Which, as I have thought about it, makes me realise how useless and unwanted that must make you feel at times; if not all the time. Everybody wants to be needed in a relationship.
So I have now listed below all the things I need you for, it is an honest list:
- I need you to love me, all the time
- I need you to want me, all the time
- I need you to hold me
- I need you to caress me
- I need you to touch me
- I need you to kiss me – all the time
- I need you to make love to me
- I need you to talk to me:
- I need you to share my ideas with
- I need you to share your stories wtih me
- I need you to make me laugh
- I need to hear your voice- everyday
- I need you to come home to me
- I need you to be pleased to see me -because I so look forward to seeing you
- I need you to do all the drllling in the walls for pictures and mirrors
- I need you to do all the power tool stuff around the house
- I need you to mow the lawn
- I need you to pick the dog shit up
- I need you to take the rubbish out
- I need you to do all the things that are too high or heavy for me
- I need you for the money that you earn
- I need you to share our accounts with
- 3 I need you to make plans for the future with
- I need you to go shopping with:
- I need you to push the trolley whilst I put the shopping in
- I need you to give me opinions on my clothes and what I buy (because I value your opinion)
- I need you to look at housey things with
- 8 I need you to go for a drink with
- I need you to go to the pictures with
- I need you to drive the car abroad
- I need you to ride the moterbike abroad
- 2 I need you to snuggle up on the sofa
- I need you to need me – always
Rosie
Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect
I would love to hear your feedback.
Making this better - A blog to help and give hope to all those driven mad by infidelity 
Love
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Someone on the Esther Perel FB was telling me that to need someone is to be codependent. Implying that needing another person was weak and unhealthy.
I simply pulled up the definitions of need: “require (something) because it is essential or very important.” My xp was essential to my life…even if I struggled with demonstrating that in a skillful way.
When I read this list I see all the ways that Rich is essential to your life. That doesn’t make it codependent. It makes you human. We are social beings learning to be social. We are essential to one another, we are in this together.
Thank you Moisy. Cheers. Sean
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I knew that would be a train of thought, but why would anyone not want to know that others need them, in the same way as we need them? The meme, although referring to the workplace is right in all relationships. I hope it helped, Sean, you will get through this. Xx Moisy
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