Sunday 29th July 2007
After what I have written on the previous page, I feel that I need to close that chapter. Start a new chapter, for a new beginning.
“The future – a New Beginning!
After my journal entry on the 29th of July 2007 I went back later in the day and decided to mark ‘the end’ of talking about what had happened. I hoped that i would be able to concentrate on the future. So on a new page I wrote the above. Marked it as a new section of my journal.
It was another coping mechanism! I thought that if I did it then it would happen! I was wrong! Three months is no time at all when you are dealing with grief, and you will see from future entries that I still struggled for a long time because I still had so much that I had to accept.
At the three month stage I had accepted that what we had was dead and gone and was not coming back. What I hadn’t realised was that although I knew and understood that I still needed to grieve for it; and I hadn’t realised that there was still going to be so much more to accept. But what I had realised was we were going to have to make something new and so I symbolically made a new section in my journal to show a commitment to it.
As William Blake said “Hindsight is a wonderful thing but foresight is better, especially when it comes to saving life, or some pain!”. So although I can look back and know that I still had a lot of pain to go through at the time my brain did what it had to: it gave me hope to save me some pain!
I lived in hope, and at this stage that is one of the main things that you need to hold onto if you want to survive. Hope.
Making This Better the book is now available including the journal entries for the first 5 years of our recovery & the whole 21 days of ‘The War’. Available internationally in paperback and ebook at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad and Waterstones Bookstores for click & collect
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