Are We Ever Complete?

Once upon a time, when I thought life was really a Fairytale I thought that Danny completed me. I was wrong.

Firstly in the fact that my life wasn’t over and I would change and evolve. So how could someone else complete me at that time? It simply wasn’t possible and it still isn’t possible today, because I will continue to evolve until the end of my life.

Secondly because the only person who was guaranteed to be with me all my life was me, so how could someone else complete me?

I have learned that nobody can ‘complete’ us. They can be part of our life, help us evolve and grow, teach us things as part of the relationship, but they cannot complete us.

Thirdly I should never have expected that from anyone. It was an impossible task.

But how many of us, through our lives, believe that someone else is responsible to make us complete?

Recently, during a conversation on Twitter someone said how they would ‘always have that sadness, how it would always be there for the betrayed.’

I don’t have that sadness anymore, and I reassured the person that was the case. I don’t dwell, what would I achieve from that?

As part of the conversation I said this…

‘It takes a lot of time, and for us, in the first 5 yrs a lot of effort. But it also took a lot (a ton in fact) of reflection for me. I was the strong personality, I had to understand my own head so it didn’t run away with me.’

You see like most people I believed that what we had was a fairytale. So when the wicked witch came onto our lives I didn’t believe anything could damage us, because we were a fairytale. Stupid really, because all fairytales have a dark side and a lesson to learn.

My lesson from all of this was to understand myself. Understand that I could always look after myself, and to not fear that we may not survive, because I would survive whatever the outcome.

My lesson was to understand just how daunting it can be, choosing to love me. Because I could leave, I could always up my game, and if you are insecure as Danny was, and still can be sometimes, that is a frightening prospect at times ….. loving me.

My lesson was to let go of my ego, to not care what others thought about letting Danny come back.

But most important of all was to not care what my ego thought about letting Danny come back and trying again, where I was concerned. I think it’s fair to say that was the hardest one. I learned that The Demon was in fact my ego.

All of the things I learned from the hardest experience of my life, was that I didn’t need Danny to ‘complete me’, I just wanted him in my life to enjoy the things he brought to the table.

I cannot stress enough to those with a broken heart who have palpitations from their racing heart, and tears permanently in their eyes, that all of things in life are a lesson, and reflection is the tool they need to recover and become a stronger person. A person who finds that although they love the person they are choosing to reconcile with, that person does not complete them, only they do that.

If you are able to reflect and understand that then you will not feel sadness in the following years, you will feel freedom, whether your relationship survives or not.


Making This Better the book is now available internationally in paperback and ebook at Amazon and Barnes & Noble also available at Xlibris and Apple Books for iPad, and new to Waterstones.

I would love to hear your feedback.


  1. Bravo. This is beautifully written and resonates with me completely. I feel that I could have written it, except that in my case it is not one affair, but rather a state of being: a desire to be poly or open that has been present since the beginning of my relationship with my partner and father of my son and that I thought would pass eventually but simply never has on his part.

    He has always been authentic and honest. I got pregnant unexpectedly, we decided to parent together as a couple knowing that it may be very tricky to navigate and here we are 5 years later still together and still navigating.

    We have a large age gap, and this may explain part of the “why” he wants what he wants but I also think that he is emotionally immature and is still in the process of starting to understand himself and in doing so perhaps is confusing sex and connection. And is also perhaps seeking connection with others as a deviated route from ultimately seeking connection with himself and his inner world.

    I believe that we all have a personal journey to make to connect with ourselves and that I have been doing this for the past 15 years with intention and started this journey even before this.

    Another salient point is that even in the past 5 years of our relationship and having a child together, my partner had grown and essentially evolved quite a bit and has “come into his own”
    so to say… he has changed physically (more attractive in his style, influenced by me I am certain as he has said so) has acquired more confidence and therefore has gone from an introverted person who spends a lot of time online or in the fantasy realm and actually in the real world where he is gaining more attention from real women.
    This is not a little thing… this definitely comes into play.

    I am 45 now, I have lived a very full life so far: I am an extrovert and communicator and always have been and left home young to travel. I am an attractive woman and never had to work very hard to connect or attract others to me. My partner sees all of this and whether he wants to or not, compares himself with me. This is where the age difference is felt most I believe (and in the self awareness/inner work/ emotional intelligence too).

    We are still together in this tricky situation. We are trying to navigate through and I am trying to remain positive and calm, authentic and honest. And so is he. Not an easy feat. But we love each other and still have a strong attraction for each other and we do not want to break up our little family unit.

    I didn’t expect to write a novel at the beginning of this comment. Alas… your article has moved me to express this. 😅

    Thank you for this wonderful read.
    I hope that my share is well-received.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi and I am so sorry for the delay in my reply. We have had some big adventures in my life and I have not blogged here for over a year. Your comments are always welcome, I don’t know if you read or engage with any Esther Perel work or groups, I think that you would find them very beneficial.
      I am so pleased that this post resonated with you. Nothing is indeed ever black and white, in fact it is that thinking that does so much damage to us all. All of the comments that I am replying to have inspired me to take the blog forward, but not in a ‘all betrayers, WS, adulterers whatever labels we want to put on them, are sinners. Because they’re not, they’re human, in the same way that we are.
      I do believe that we can learn from everything that happens to us, and over the past year I have come to realise that it is essential that we share that learning with others – who may want to learn from it, or us it in their way forward on their path or not. Our job, or my job is to just put it out there.
      Thank you, I hope that all has been well in this weird last year that we have all had across the globe.


  2. Thank you for this, I loved and needed this today! As I embark on ‘family vacation’ making memories, I needed this boost of confidence.


    On Sun, Jul 26, 2020 at 5:22 AM Making this better – A blog to help and give hope to all those driven mad by infidelity wrote:

    > RosieJoseph posted: ” Once upon a time, when I thought life was really a > Fairytale I thought that Danny completed me. I was wrong. Firstly in the > fact that my life wasn’t over and I would change and evolve. So how could > someone else complete me at that time? It simpl” >

    Liked by 1 person

    • I truly believe, and always say we have to find ourselves. No matter how much we love someone we have to understand that without ourselves we are lost. And yes we evolve and we change, but that is not necessarily something to fear. Enjoy that vacation, make new memories, safe in the knowledge you always have you. It is both liberating, and helpful to rebuilding your relationship. It was to ours. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s